I Lost My Sister
by Becca Eccleston
Summary: "You didn't just lose your mother that night in Godric's Hollow, you know. I lost my sister." . Petunia Evans didn't always hate Lily. And even when she pretended that she did, she still missed her little sister. . Summary sucks but the actual piece is better.


**A short piece on Petunia Dursley and how her life became what it was. Based on the following quote from a deleted scene from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (movie).**

" _You didn't just lose your mother that night in Godric's Hollow, you know. I lost my sister."_

Throughout her young life, Petunia Evans had always been exceptionally jealous of her younger sister. It wasn't that Lily had pretty red hair, while Petunia had a dull blonde colour. It wasn't Lily's talent for making friends while Petunia could barely speak to anyone she had not known for years. In all honesty, it wasn't even that Lily was gifted with magical powers. For Petunia Evans, her jealousy stemmed from the fact that as much as she needed her sister, her little sister had no need for her.

Now one might question the fact that Lily had no need for her older sister, but to Petunia Evans, it was the truth. Lily would go off to different places and do great things and forget her older sister, but Petunia would be left to her boring mundane life, doomed to a 9 to 5 job and wishes that would never be fulfilled.

When Lily was accepted to a wizarding school, it had been with tears in her eyes that Petunia had written her own letter, begging for acceptance from the school's headmaster. That was the first time Petunia had felt her hopes be crushed. It was the day that she first experienced heartbreak that she shut her sister out for good. After all, she couldn't be hurt by the girl if she didn't care about her to begin with.

As the years passed her by Petunia gave up on most if not all of her dreams. Having dreamed of being an actress in her youth, she dismissed her dream and chose to pursue a course in typing, which was a much more dependable and ordinary career. She ended her blossoming relationship with a local boy who was in a band. _Musicians are unreliable_ , she'd told herself. Instead, she met a junior executive named Vernon Dursley. He was foul and ugly and completely unappealing in every way except in his normalcy, and so she settled into a life with him.

She still craved the life she had once planned for herself, especially after seeing Lily and her own boyfriend, a rich and handsome and kind man named James, but she tamped down on her desired and instead looked down her nose at her sister's life.

Petunia married Vernon, much to her quiet dismay, and had a boy, Dudley. And though he was a whale of a child, and was prone to tantrums, he was hers. And to Petunia, he was the first thing in her life that she felt she could be proud of. Of course, then Lily sent word of her own child being born only a month later, and Petunia Dursley cut off all contact with her sister.

From then on, all was quiet and ordinary for the Dursleys. Until, that is, the 2nd of November, 1981, when Petunia's nephew was left at her doorstep, and a letter changed Petunia's life for good. The first thing she'd noticed about Harry Potter were his eyes. He had her sister's eyes. And with that, she knew something had happened to her sister. Her sister whom she loathed. Her sister who had been strong and brave enough to choose the path she dreamed of. Her sister who Petunia had always needed, always counted on to still be there, even when she was cruel to her.

With a heavy heart, Petunia took in her nephew, hopes and heart being crushed for yet another time in her life. Her sister, her perfect little sister, was dead. At only twenty one, Lily was dead. And that was why Petunia kept Harry. That was why she convinced Vernon to let him stay.

Throughout the years Petunia took out her regret and self-hate on her nephew. It was cruel of her, but at this point in her life Petunia Evans had all but vanished, leaving the cold-hearted Mrs. Dursley in her place. Dudley was still the light of her life, but apart from him, Petunia felt no more happiness, no more love. How could she love anyone, or deserve love herself, when she couldn't even properly love her sister?

 **.**

Seventeen years after the death of her sister, Petunia Evans was leaving her home on Privet Drive. Her nephew was going off, possibly to his death, and she couldn't even bring herself to hug him goodbye. All she could say were seventeen words. Seventeen words for seventeen years without Lily in the world. Seventeen words that finally, _finally_ , allowed Petunia to realize just how awful her life had become, and how it had all been her fault.

" _You didn't just lose your mother that night in Godric's Hollow, you know. I lost my sister."_

She lost her sister. And it had taken that, and many more years of cruelty and pain, for Petunia Dursley to understand that her sister had needed her just as much as she had needed her, and yet it had been Petunia who had left Lily, not the other way around as she had always feared.

 **.**

When Petunia Dursley, nee Evans, was reunited with her sister, the first thing she did was weep and beg for forgiveness. Not just for her poor treatment of her nephew, but for not being a good big sister. And when Lily took Petunia into her arms and forgave her, Petunia finally began to feel whole.


End file.
